Another year older.

Like the fireworks that went off in a bang as we usher in the New Year, that's how my year ended. With a bang.My cat died  on the 28th December all because I did not take him to the vet when he was showing  signs like losing his appetite. I  don't want to go into detail about his death because it will make me feel guilty. Guilty for not taking him to the vet and thinking that a cat has 9 life.

Nothing last forever may sounds cliché but that's the truth.All good things will end and we must be prepared to the fact that the world is not permanent so they say.

Lovers go their separate ways and loved ones will die and leaves us without a warning. Ce'st la vie!

Looking back at 2018, I cringed. My father passed away on the 15th April due to pneumonia. The same guilt for me. Although I did not live with him, I did see that he wasn't himself and was losing weight. I should have taken him to the hospital even when my stepmom and my brother said he was fine. He wasn't fine at all and when we finally took him to the emergency ward, the doctor practically scolded me for not bringing him in much earlier. My father was malnourished, said the doctor. I was in a dazed and I managed to spent two weeks looking after him till his last breath. The guilt is still on my shoulder.

Now another pang of sadness and guilt stays with me. I cried tears of guilt each time I think of my father and cat.

As I am typing this, I am in Kuala Lumpur, staying with my brother. It felt good to be away from Ipoh at this point in time. I am enjoying my own company.Being alone means no arguments with others. Being alone means I get to indulge in rituals and talk with God.Just me and my Creator.

So tonight nearly everyone will be having a good time to bid farewell to 2018.Me,I  have stopped having a ball on the eve of the new year since way back. Good riddance to 2018, thank you for the pain.

Yours truly