The Diary.

This may seems like a scene from a flix whereby a diary that contains the family secret was found by someone.But dear readers,this is my life drama.


Does a man own a diary?Not
many I suppose and most that do owns are usually the sentimental men.

I found my father's diary while I was looking through his stuff.Going inside his room is painful but  I still go cos I wanted to face what gives me pain. "As I looked at the empty bed I recalled the last time I lay down by your side and you were ill "

I wonder if I am borderline mad cos the pain is also soothing.

It was  an ordinary black and red book that captured my eyes.Written during the year 2005.I took it home and started reading.

Bapak with the late HRH Sultan Idris of Perak,HRH Raja Perempuan Perak and Y.T.M.Raja Nazhatul Shima in Switzerland.

I was transported to  2005.Most of his time was spent abroad with HRH Sultan Pahang.He used the word HRH and I know who he meant.

(Bapak receiving the trophy when HRH horse won the race.)

My father managed HRH horses in the UK.So most of his time were with the horses.He seems to know a lot about horses from what he described.He knows when the horse is not in top form or when the horse is ready to win.He included his feelings too besides his work with HRH.

Then came the part that seems to cut my heart with a knife.As a man whose exposure to the kind of life he led, it's not strange to know that there are young women who used him for the money.He wrote about how the woman used him and then disappeared from his life.Women with no scruples should just rot now.No need to wait for hell!
Pak, I know the pain and mentioning about it here may be crude but well black is black.

I know  how much you love your grandchildren and how worried you were about your children.

Bapak with his granddaughter Alida in the UK

You wrote about how age had taken its toll on you and that you were tired of the travelling.I feel you Pak.You wrote about how proud you were because Azalia went to Sydney under the wings of Petronas.You described the day we sent Azalia off.It was on the 5th Feb 2005.You wrote about how Azalia cried when it was time for her to board the plane.

With my daughter Azalia

The moments you spent with Chor and family in the UK.You mentioned Greg and it hit me that both of you are no longer with us.

I had mixed feelings upon reading your diary.Anger to the ones that hurt and used you.Sadness and most of all love.



You will be loved by us till the end of time.Al Fatihah

Ends