Listening to John Lennon singing 'Mother', it brought back memories on how I felt losing my mother when I was a teenager at the age of 18 to be precised. 18 should be the best years of every young ones but not me. It's like losing a limb. I felt like a handicap. I cannot run to the woman you called mother when I am hurt. My father was away all the time. In fact he had another wife just before my mother left me. I became rebellious out of anger.
When my wedding day came, I don't have a mother to tell me what marriage is all about. I could not share the joy that others did with their mother when they marry. It was my auntie who prepared my wedding so it was like 'whatever '.I have no say about the preparation.
I never had a family home when my father brought his 2nd wife to live in his house. She hated me then and she hardly smile at me let alone speak to me back then. So when I gave birth to my first child, I was on my own with my husband. My in laws helped but I do not have a mother to tell me how to bathe a newborn and there was no such thing as confinement for me because no one cared.
Somehow I managed to bring up my daughter and when I had my 2nd child, it was my friends that helped me with sending and fetching my first child from school. My husband was working outstation at that time so I was alone looking after my girls. Their father only helped during the weekend. Still I managed but with lots of sacrifices. My life was totally focused on the girls. I do not have time for my own self but it was the best time of my life. Ofcos I wished that my mother could see me coped with the girls. Life is such.When it gives you lemons, what do you do?
Fast forward to now. I am a grandmother now and guess what?I still missed my mother. I still don't get on well with my step-mom and her children. My father is now unwell yet I don't have the courage to visit him at his house often because I do not feel welcomed by his wife n sons.
I am not sorry for writing all these. Hey I need to release my pent up emotion. It's been in my heart for too long. So whenever someone lose their mother, I feel them but I can't show my real emotion because I am a handicap where matters of the heart are concerned.
I am not really sure what my life is all about but I believe in being honest. So to all you young girls out there, cherish your mother's love before it's too late.
